The Legend Of San Diego

Hi there. My name is Arturas, but you won’t hear people calling my name at the office. And, folks, there’s a good reason for that. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with storytelling, but most stories have to start with some challenges or depressing moments that the main character has to overcome and win. In this case, I’m the main hero of the story. Basically, I’m the *enter your favorite GoT character*. I’ve tried to be trendy, but I’ve never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones. So now you know.

So, let’s get back to the story. I was finishing yet another long night shift at the bar, and it seemed to me that I have reached the point where nothing is pleasing or giving me job satisfaction any more.

I felt internal turmoil and anger. This gigantic emotional buildup was like a dormant volcano that’s about to erupt in my head.


The same example could be used to describe penis and ejaculation. Hope you’ve learned something useful today.


Every night, every day, complete and predictable repetition. Three years and 7 months doing this work. I was at the point where I could shake a cocktail and serve 10 customers at the same time, with my eyes shut.


My typical shift was finishing at a very unsociable hour, 4 a.m., if not later.


But one night was different.


Just thought that if my story was a movie, it will be a cheap movie.




I served my last customers and was looking forward to finishing work and going home. My heart sank when suddenly, three guys appeared.


“Mums tris jėgerio” –  they said. It could also have been that they wanted beer, but they were mumbling rather than speaking.


Oh, Christ! – I thought to myself.


Just kidding.


Nu b* ir vėl dalba***** ateina į darbo pabaigą – that’s what I’ve really thought.


From my bar work experience, I knew all too well that once I give that fatal drink after closing time, they will go on to beg for yet another and another one. The next thing you know, you’re a prisoner in this place until late in the morning.


Thanks to this job, over the years I became a pro in reading people. Like no psychologist, I was able to pick up on it at such speed and accuracy. It was a talent I sure needed many times.


Also, I’ve learnt to kick those assholes out of the bar. In a modern indoeuropean language, that would be called “duoti pizdi”.


So, like many times before, on this night I said to my three completely drunk customers,


“Chėbra, aš jau baigiau darbą, nieko nebepilsiu, esu žiauriai pavargęs.”


I could have translated the last sentence, but we want this story to be authentic, don’t we?


Anyway, instead of just asking these guys to leave, I offered them names of other pubs that were still open. With disarming humor, I said,


“I’m not selling you beer or shots; I’m selling you priceless information.”


That’s a good one, I think. I’m sure I could also have become a great real estate broker.


Meanwhile, one of them, Tadas, said something nice to me like what an awesome and honest bartender I am, but that’s what most of the drunk customers do to make sure you just fill another glass with the bloody drink.


And there is always that one sentence kind a punchline that they use to win the argument.


“I think I have the perfect job for you!”


Yeah, yeah, right, I cynically thought to myself, every bartender all over the world heard that sentence, hundreds of times.


But this guy, Tadas, went on to say,


“I’ll give you my number, contact me on Monday!”


Thoughts started racing through my head, making me feel excited with positive anticipation (and maybe some apprehension). But just like it goes with entering the lottery, I think to myself, I’ll never know, unless I try.


“We’ll meet on Monday,” – Tadas went on to say, “and you’ll meet the other team members next week, now they’re going to San Diego.”


Little did he knew; I was wearing a t-shirt with big bold words SAN DIEGO written on it.


I flashed open my bomber jacket just then, and exposed my t-shirt to the group. The expression on their face was priceless, they went like,


“Holy SHIT, they said, what a freak coincidence!”


Or was it more like


“Eik tu n*, rimtai, wow, čia yra wow, geras”.


I guess, both are correct.



And that was it. A sign that we didn’t meet by accident. That maybe it was a destiny. Or maybe just a drunk coincidence.


So that’s how I’ve got hired by drunk guys at the middle of the night. Next time you want to send your resume, think twice, what if we just go to the bar?


My name is Artūras, but now they call me San Diego.


I’m the experience manager or Chief Vibe Officer at Kilo Health and I’m making sure that everyone has enough of white russians, or that there are enough tarczynskies in the office. I organize awesome events and I want to make sure you feel welcome at our office any time you come.


If you just want to say hi or learn more about the company, you can just drop me a message at [email protected]

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